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An ode to Apex-Beckham

It’s important to get your cookie paid right away.

John I. Carney
2 min readSep 18, 2020

I cannot take credit for the beautiful example of free verse that I am about to share with you. What you are about to read is a telephone call I received on my home, landline telephone. My cable company automatically transcribes voice mail messages and e-mails them to me, so this is an automatic transcription of the message that was left. I have not altered it at all except for the telephone number. Even the question marks were inserted by the transcription software.

Live statue of poetry for Sokol festival in Tábor, 1911 (Wikimedia Commons)

Hello my name is fees and I’m calling from the Nissan recall team. Reason I’m calling today to follow up regarding a very urgent but-safety(?) call. I sent you a thousand for our records indicate this week was affected air bag recall. It’s important to get your cookie paid right away. This is a free appearance(?) on vehicles and we an event of a crash motor fragrance can export from apex-beckham(?) cost serious-injury(?) or death passing(?) this is extremely urgency to call me send you let’s-help(?) parts and with many contacts(?) in your space(?) and dealing for immediate appointment and if you need assistance please call toll free at 1–8xx-xxx-xxx1 and advise the agent and the call regard to cut backs(?) and I do see you have another vehicle completed-and(?) is Mr. Hall.

I hope you found that as moving and revelatory as I did. It almost makes me wish I’d ever owned a Nissan.

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John I. Carney
John I. Carney

Written by John I. Carney

Author of “Dislike: Faith and Dialogue in the Age of Social Media,” available at http://www.lakeneuron.com/dislike

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